Make your own happiness

Our nation is addicted to vicarious experience. Over the years I have been intrigued about the human experience we call the vicarious experience.

What does it mean to live vicariously? It means that we live our lives through other people. It is like this:  I don't feel very successful but I know someone who is. I experience a certain pride or well-being when I am around their big house or standing next to their nice car.  I am not very happy but I know someone who is even if all they are is someone on television who I have never met and probably never will. We often call this “name dropping.” You have noticed it and maybe even said to yourself or out loud, “Quit dropping names.” Yet, we all do it. Sometimes it actually has some relevance to the discussion but most of the time it is making us feel good. And who doesn’t want to feel good? We live our lives through others.

You say, “So what?” Here is the problem: We used to create our own version of success or happiness and were content with it. When we live off the happiness or success of other people we are no longer investing in our own lives to bring happiness and success. We fritter our time away on various social media platforms, playing mindless games on our phones and texting people about what kind of coffee we like at Starbucks. Our continual absorption of media does not help because Madison Avenue advertising thrives on sowing the winter of our discontent, reminding us how unfulfilled our lives are without the newest car, the latest fashion shoes and the latest hot vacation spot.

We end up living meaningless lives. How do I know? When people do finally awaken to their lack of purpose and meaning they show up in my office for counseling or the offices of their friends. A few of them become so depressed they check themselves in to a psychiatric facility.

What is cure? First, a major shift in our thinking is required. Happiness and success are inside jobs. No one can make you happy. (Also no one can make you mad.) Our feelings are our choice.

Second, all of the above is actually a spiritual diagnosis of our culture requiring a spiritual answer. We do all need Someone bigger than ourselves in our lives. I have seen the bumper sticker and so have you, “If you really knew me you wouldn’t love me.” God’s bumper sticker says, I know you perfectly and I love you perfectly.”

Ronald Friesen © 2018